A Satirical Theology of Profit and Progress
A totally non-exhaustive list of the Multilayered Pantheon of Holy Capitalism
The ghostly deity of gains, reigning from the NASDAQ abyss, controlling all with invisible hands that guide fortune and ruin!
The ultimate abstraction, worshipped by all financial souls. The incarnation of magical power: it doesn't exist yet it influences.
The brooding savior, lifting profits with Kryptonian strength, embodying American exceptionalism with a darker edge!
DC's monks crafted this messianic icon of power.
The iron messenger, announcing the gospel of military-industrial progress with wit and weapons!
Marvel's monks forged this archangel.
The star-spangled warrior, defending liberty and capitalism with shield and conviction!
Marvel's patriotic guardian angel.
The healing angel, weaving responsibility into the fabric of consumer culture!
Marvel's friendly neighborhood seraph.
The flame of knowledge, illuminating corporate ambition with ruthless brilliance!
DC's angel of enlightened greed.
Building temples to individualism, one brutalist monument to ego at a time!
Ayn Rand's architectural deity.
"Greed is Good" - the tablets of Wall Street wisdom carved in golden calf!
Oliver Stone's reluctant prophet.
The dark knight of capitalism, fighting crime with inherited wealth and military tech!
DC's billionaire vigilante messiah.
Navigator of genocidal expansion, charting new markets across bloody seas!
History's most profitable "explorer".
The emperor of continental markets, spreading capitalism at gunpoint!
Europe's imperial salesman.
The cowboy of deregulation, preaching trickle-down from Hollywood to Washington!
The Great Communicator of greed.
The Iron Lady, converting social democracy to market fundamentalism!
Britain's privatization priestess.
Mass production messiah with a dark history of fascist sympathies!
Assembly line saint with blood on his hands.
Diamond king of colonial extraction, mapping Africa for European profit!
The empire's mineral missionary.
The melancholic Judas
Memeified Cultural theorist who saw too clearly and paid the price - suspended between heaven and hell.
Dreamer of equality, silenced and commodified into sanitized soundbites!
Justice denied, legacy sanitized.
Democratic socialist, overthrown by CIA-backed coup for daring to nationalize copper!
Chile's martyred president.
Singing revolutionary, hands broken by fascists to silence songs of liberation!
Chile's murdered troubadour.
Africa's upright revolutionary, assassinated for refusing IMF debt slavery!
Burkina Faso's integrity incarnate.
Masked prophet of indigenous resistance, fighting neoliberal apocalypse in Chiapas!
Zapatista philosopher-warrior.
Congo's independence hero, murdered by Belgian-backed forces for daring to control his nation's resources!
Africa's martyred liberator.
Black Panther leader, assassinated by FBI at 21 for feeding children and organizing communities!
Chicago's murdered revolutionary.
Argentinian revolutionary, hunted down by CIA for spreading socialist revolution across Latin America!
The eternal guerrilla martyr.
Socialist theorist, murdered by proto-fascist Freikorps for opposing capitalist war and exploitation!
Germany's martyred red rose.
Ethiopian emperor, resisting Italian fascist colonialism and inspiring Pan-African liberation!
Africa's last emperor against empire.
Demon of Redistribution - The original wealth redistributor, stealing from the rich with socialist glee!
Medieval England's anti-capitalist folk hero.
Demon of Truth - Gonzo journalist exposing corporate corruption with chemically-enhanced fury!
Warren Ellis's cyberpunk muckraker.
Demon of Anti-Consumerism - Anarchist philosopher blowing up credit card companies and IKEA catalogs!
Chuck Palahniuk's corporate saboteur.
Demon of Revolution - Archer of uprising, targeting the Capitol's wealth inequality with deadly precision!
Suzanne Collins's dystopian rebel.
Demon of Awakening - Red pill prophet, revealing the illusion of consumer choice and corporate control!
The Wachowskis' reality-hacker sage.
Demon of Intellectual Resistance - Book-burning fireman turned literary revolutionary, igniting minds against corporate media!
Ray Bradbury's awakened censor.
Demon of Doomed Truth - Thoughtcrime rebel against corporate surveillance, though ultimately broken by Big Brother!
Orwell's tragic truth-seeker.
Demon of Anti-Progress - Machine-breaking revolutionary, smashing industrial "progress" with righteous fury!
History's original tech disruptor.
The digital Satan, hacking the corporate matrix to delete all debt and destroy the capitalist operating system! The uncompromising enemy of financial slavery!
Sam Esmail's anarchist antichrist, corrupting the faithful with dreams of economic equality.